When you want to step forward, change something, do it differently, reveal and express yourself, it is not uncommon for fear arises. It’s not so important what that ambition is: maybe you want to quit your job, start a business, end a relationship or start one, or maybe altogether just post on Facebook or speak up in a meeting Fear can be equally strong. Fear saves and prevents living. Fear is an instinctive, natural reaction, common even in babies. Already in the first months of life, we can notice fear reactions to strong sounds, height, depth, unusual objects, or strangers. The latter fear encourages the baby to stay as close as possible to relatives who care for him. Psychoanalysis considers birth as the primary source of fear: at birth, a person faces many obstacles, experiences near death. This theory is at least partially supported by research data: in the birth canal people who are stuck are much more likely to suffer from claustrophobia (fear of closed spaces). Y. N. Harari suggests that fear, anxiety and insecurity have spread because of the too fast human evolution. A person who rose very quickly from the middle of the food pyramid to its heights did not have time to acquire the dignity and self-confidence suitable for such a dangerous predator. Fearing and worrying about his situation, man tends to behave aggressively and dangerously. It is sometimes said that we should be grateful for fear because it protects us from many unpleasant things. Because of it we avoid many dangers and stay alive. But do we always feel good about it? Fearing rejection, we take or we give up many activities to please others. Unfortunately, we don’t always think about whether that acceptance is real it is so important, isn’t its price too high?

I’m afraid, but I really want to…

Fears can be learned and implemented. After experiencing something unpleasant, we can become afraid of situations or objects that remind us of the unpleasant experience. F. Perls, a psychotherapist and the pioneer of gestalt psychotherapy, notes that those who were brought up on the “stick” principle have the most fears. If parents emphasized punishment, saying you have to do as I said because you will be punished, adult children will unconsciously expect or fear punishment catastrophes in implementing their ideas. K. G. Jung, the creator of analytical psychotherapy, aptly noticed that where there is strong fear, it always appears there is at least a sliver of desire, a secret desire, for what we fear so much to happen. You must have noticed how it lights up the face of a secret schemer saying, “Just so no one finds out…” Also one who is constantly afraid of being fired from work, deep down he wants to quit. An overworked mother may experience an intense fear that someone will steal her baby, and only have a vague sense of great fatigue, the need to rest and withdraw from the child. Consulting HIV-affected people and their relatives in the “Demetra” association have repeatedly encountered a situation when HIV was diagnosed after hearing it, a person experiences a strong fear of death, behind which are hidden suicidal impulses.

Love and imagination will help overcome fear

How can we overcome fear? What would be its opposite? First, of course, courage. But only courage to overcome fear it’s not enouth Love and faith are definitely needed. When I believe that there is something more important than my fear, I can stand up (although Want to overcome fear? See her face! and trembling legs) and defend their values, beliefs, ideals. Then I love more than I fear. The most difficult thing to overcome is the fear of the unknown. Behind it lies infinity, nothing and everything. Fear of the unknown becomes limitless. Anyone would be frightened by such a fear. A person possessed by it begins to fear… his own fear. Before him opens the room of horror, so vividly described by J. Orwell in the novel 1984. The formless fear of fear can be mastered through imagination. Imagination is used in many psychotherapies directions. Gestalt psychotherapy has probably developed this method the most widely. The idea is simple: all you need is a symptom give form and imagine it as a person, animal, plant or other natural phenomenon and try to establish with make contact with it (or imagine a figure capable of doing so).

 

People constantly introduce me to very different forms of fear.

30 years old project manager Isabela was very afraid of new management duties and increased responsibility. Her fear came across as a Soviet-era bureaucrat—formal and self-important. The woman said she would never pay with that to communicate, would not know how to approach him, what to say to him. When asked if she could think of anyone who could to do this, Eve had the figure of an active, athletic forty-year-old. By identifying with this free and dynamic woman, Eve experienced her power and strength to resist the formal and unequivocal demands of the inner bureaucrat. The similarity of the bureaucrat with his father and some sad situations of their communication, which later became the basis of her fears. Fear can also appear as an old toad, a young snake, a pesky hornet, a lazy cow. Or in human form – like the accusatory prosecutor, the harassing boss, the omniscient expert, the labeler or the devoted maid. The old one the toad – the one who has seen so much and experienced so much more – puffs up and wants everyone to see its significance. She doesn’t want to say anything bad, just a warning. She is jealous of everyone and everything, no matter what. And everyone seems to have it more opportunities than herself. She secretly hopes that everyone will regret not heeding her sage warnings. Lazy and the inert cow is afraid of having to give up what is so familiar and normal. “Good as it is, only worse wouldn’t be” – this is her position. The prosecutor reminds me that if I embark on the path of change, I will be to blame for everything. Maid she worries: “And won’t those changes disturb others?…” The artist is concerned that someone might not like all of this. A nagging boss is focused only on results and wants to get them as quickly as possible. And profitability is more important to her for everything… Try to look into the fear. Those who dare to resist it will get rich, although maybe not everyone will see those treasures…

Overcoming fears and anxiety.

Thinking is the most important psychological process. It creates an experience. But wrong thinking creates an unpleasant experience. We think in two ways: with thoughts and images. Trying to correct this wrong thinking requires working on both fronts. In this section, we’ll talk about how to correct what you’re telling yourself, ie. internal language. Anxiety is not caused by something outside, but by your own automatic thoughts, i.e. thinking. Automatic thoughts occur outside of consciousness. For example, on television or an advertisement appears very briefly in the cinema, you do not have time to consciously understand it. But that it is enough for the mind to receive the information, create the appropriate mood and connection with advertised product. You go to the store, you buy that product and you don’t even know that you were told to do. Automatic thoughts are triggered in a similar way. Even if you don’t know about them at all. These thoughts drive actions and feelings. If you think that you are confused, you feel confused. You can imagine this effect because automatic thoughts can be noticed and corrected. Try the following methods and use the ones that work best for you.

First of all, simply tell yourself that you want to notice your automatic thoughts.

Actively telling yourself that you are becoming aware of your thinking, activates a mind mechanism that helps you monitor your thoughts.

Second: Take ownership of your experience.

Acknowledge that there is a cause for anxiety your own thoughts, not external causes. Most of the time we don’t notice how we create your feelings. “He,” “She,” or “It” seems to cause anxiety. Express your concern active form. For example: “In this situation I am worried” instead of “It causes me.” worry”.

Third: Ask “How am I causing myself anxiety?

” When you ask yourself, “How can I control my anxiety?” – you create more thoughts, reflections, but from that does not increase awareness of one’s own thoughts. If you think about it, “how I cause myself anxiety”, you will change your position from thinking about yourself to observing yourself – as if from the outside you will look at yourself.

Fourth: Get to know yourself, get closer to what you fear.

This is important a practical step to help overcome anxiety. You need to feel anxious that you would recognize the specific way of thinking that causes it. You’ll be able to do it as you go to the situation you fear. For example: if you are afraid to speak, but you have to be in situations where are spoken, force yourself to be in them and speak. Ask questions in the meeting. When hear others speak, ask yourself how you would feel in their place. “If I were in their place, what would I be afraid of?”. Imagine yourself in that situation. This technique should cause anxiety. When it arises, try to catch the thoughts that cause it.

Five: Fully experience the feelings you are trying to avoid.

If you keep yourself from painful feelings, you lose the opportunity to see what lies behind them, what they are thoughts cause them.

Sixth: Be honest.

If you hide or lie to avoid anxiety, you lose the opportunity to learn about your fears. Also, you feel shame or guilt. Be aware of the moments when you lie. Notice the thoughts that trigger so anxious that you want to lie.

Seventh: Clarify your objections. Understand when your feelings, thoughts and actions go in opposite directions.

Eighth: A great way to get to know your thinking is to write down your thoughts in a notebook. Remember, anxiety indicates that you have frightening thoughts, notice them and write it down.

Nine: Reward yourself for catching automatic thoughts. Say “thank you” or “good job” to yourself. After that, consciously ask yourself what still scary?

Ten: Follow your fears until you get to the bottom line.

Eleventh: If you fail to recognize the errors of your thinking, try determine the importance of the event. Ask yourself what this means to you.

Twelfth: The sentence completion method can help you identify your thoughts.
For example:
“To be rejected would mean …….”
“To appear foolish would be to . . .”
Similarly, you can use questions for your memory. Ask what past ones events are recalled by anxiety. For example: “how I feel now reminds me of when I was.”
a little girl and…”

Thirteen: Slow down your thoughts.

Maybe your thoughts are running so fast that can’t capture them? You can use counting to slow your mind down. Simply counting your scary thoughts can help. Calculation gives you the feeling that you can control your racing thoughts. For example: “it is a frightening thought, the next is coming, now the third, fourth and fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth. When them you count, distract yourself from those thoughts. You can use to calculate thoughts various methods. Every time you notice a frightening thought, you can write it down on a special card. Track and record how many scary thoughts you have had day. These numbers fluctuate. Say to yourself, “Here’s another scary thought, I’m about to I will count her and let her go.” Do not fight or resist. Maybe you need count only one, specific type of disturbing thoughts. For example, one in a day you can count all the thoughts related to the fear of rejection. Or you can count all thoughts related to the fear of losing self-control among people.

Close to the calculation techniques is the notation technique. Every time when a frightening thought appears, give it a name such as: exaggeration or unnecessary care. After that, shift your focus to something else. Do it test now. Look at the clock for two minutes. Every time a scary one comes thought, name it, e.g. it’s a concern. You will notice that the name of the thoughts (sorting), distracts from them. Another way to slow down fast thinking is to chanting a mantra. A mantra is a pleasant sounding word. Chanting the mantra, you give work to your mind. If you’ve ever meditated, you’ve used one the mantra. If not, use the general mantra: A – NI – MA. When the mind starts racing, just repeat the mantra: A – NI – MA. Go with the flow of your thoughts. If thoughts becomes stronger, simply let them flow and bring them back to the mantra: A – NI – MA. Great video about how you can start chanting practice created by Mahi Yoga:

Please consider all methods offered in this blog as trials. If if any technique causes problems, stop using it. If the technique helps, use it her. Next, we will talk about how to correct false thoughts. First of all, it is necessary practice with the techniques we have already discussed. If you don’t feel it now anxiety, think of a situation that caused anxiety in the past. Try to recreate that feeling. Write down the thoughts that come together. The simple act of writing down your thoughts makes them more objective. Now that you have noticed your wrong thinking, what to do about it? You have to see it right facts, accept them and decide how to act. Wrong thoughts need to be changed.

You can’t just replace negative thoughts with positive ones. It is necessary to form an honest picture of reality. By removing false thoughts, you will begin to think realistically, the old, disturbing thoughts will disappear. The first way to change false thoughts is to ask
questions to yourself. Use 3 questions:
1) What is obvious?
2) How else can you look at it?
3) If this is true, then what?
When you worry, it feels like something bad is bound to happen that you can’t prevent. These three questions change unproductive thinking. One of the questions may seem more important than the others, but learn to answer all three.

First, we will talk about the question: “What is obvious?” The human mind hardly accepts ignorance. To fill the void, the mind tries to do generalizations. All thinking errors are similar in some ways. That’s exactly what it is tendency to make generalizations. When you generalize, you skip over the obvious fact to general conclusions. For example: “I said the wrong thing” – generalization “I never know what to say.” The question: “What is obvious?” – lets you evaluate the situation logically. It is useful to write down your thoughts, then respond to them and record the correction. Divide the sheet into three parts: event, summary, and correction.

An example. Write down the event: “When I was walking down the street, a stranger, getting out from the car, looked at me. Summary: “I’m sensitive, he wanted to hurt me. Everywhere I go is dangerous.” Correction: “I’m not completely vulnerable, I have reserves. Not sure if he wanted to hurt me. In many places there is no danger at all.” Now fill out your sheet.

When you feel anxious, think about the event, then ask yourself how you felt jump to generalizations, then correct the misconceptions. Learn to look to his experience from the outside, as an objective friend does, not a prophet or keeper At first this exercise will seem more mental, but with practice it will will take on a personal meaning.

The second question you have to ask yourself when you are worried is, “How else can you look at it?” Remember that when you worry, it’s usually about the reality you look with frightened eyes. Your gaze overlooks some real possibilities. This one the question allows for other possibilities to be discussed, not just worst case assumptions.

Alternative interpretations help to look at the situation differently. Create how much more alternative approaches are possible. Keep asking yourself which of you will come up with it the most useful of the alternatives. Ideally, the alternatives you come up with are convincing. But when you’re in an anxious mood, you focus too much on the threat, so it can be difficult to find alternative views. Remember that writing down your thoughts could help break away from them. Maybe you will benefit from keeping a blog? Divide the sheet to 3 parts. On one side, write disturbing thoughts, on the other – their correction. Use logical thinking.

EVENT, ANXIOUS THOUGHTS, ALTERNATIVES

Take notes so that you mark the wrong thought, followed by the correction. Free-form writing or simply jotting down a train of thought can be counterproductive. Do you avoid writing your thoughts? You might think this is silly or childish. It causes more anxiety. Catch the thoughts that keep you from writing. Mostly these are the same thoughts that keep anxiety alive. When you find yourself avoiding homework, focus on the thoughts behind this avoidance. These are the thoughts that you need to catch them, write them down and answer them. If the anxiety is constant, it is necessary to monitor and write down thoughts for at least a year. Later you will only need to write when you are worried.

Another useful technique is to look for something good in the situation. This technique broadens perspectives. This is another way of asking yourself how else you can look at it. For example, one person felt very lonely and felt anxious every time his wife left the house. He began to search good things in that situation. He thought like this: “When I am alone, I can learn by myself occupy yourself. I can learn many different things which I have not done before such as cooking, washing etc. With self-confidence, I will help my wife and it is easier I will bear the loneliness. I will learn to bear more easily the future losses that I will never have missed the experience.” That way, he looked for the good in that situation, and pretty quickly could overcome his anxiety and loneliness.

Now we will talk about the third question, which can help to correct the wrong ones thought What if what I fear happens? When you imagine a frightening situation, you usually fantasize up to a certain point, then stop. You don’t know what they really are there would be consequences if the frightening event were to occur. When you foresee the worst consequences, you cannot use the available information. So, the third question you have for yourself ask: “What if this happens?” This question will help you gather more information and will broaden the perspective of time.

Remember the equality:
UNKNOWN x SITUATION IMPORTANCE = ANXIETY

Most of the time, the most important thing is how you imagine yourself (self-image). Anxiety is caused by your SELF image or how you perceive your importance. When you reduce your illusory importance and see yourself in smaller proportions, anxiety is reduced. One psychologist was very afraid to speak to colleagues. He thought never won’t survive what’s to come if he turns out to be a fool. Therefore, he tried to protect himself. He needed to present his work at a meeting the following week. It was suggested to imagine that he was really unlucky to leave the notes at home, to unbutton himself the button of his pants, that his mouth is so dry that he can’t say a word, that many times he interjected, uttering the simplest psychological terms. And then asked question: “Now what?” Will his family stop respecting him? Will this be the end of his career? Will he still feel bad the next morning? Next week? Next year? Is it his co-workers will be so hostile and completely uncomprehending?”. During question time he began to realize that even if his worst fears came true, he would survive. He placed too much importance on that one exit and imagining himself as such a matter of life or death. It might be awkward in that situation, but regardless, life will not stop. After this interview, during the presentation of your work the following week the person felt significantly better. He adopted the attitude of “So what?” and could try feel different. Remember that talking or thinking about what could be worst of all, has no bearing on whether or not it happens. If you decided to endure even at worst, the anxiety will decrease. Then you have a better chance of avoiding the worst event. You may try to protect yourself by saying, “That’s stupid,” or “Stop thinking about it.” or – it’s nonsense. You use childish words to stop the thought process words, but it only helps temporarily. When you realize that you value your decisions as silly, funny, irrelevant or similar, ask yourself what thoughts you have are you trying to avoid? If you try not to think about a frightening event, even more about you think of him. One man was afraid of contracting AIDS. Asking him not to think about AIDS, he could only stop these thoughts for a few seconds. Fear keeps re-inserting it a thought. That’s exactly how fear works. Think with fear instead of shutting it down. Use the question: What if? Are you afraid that your children will die? Or will you go crazy? Injured in a car accident? It is necessary to learn to accept and tolerate the experience of which you fear the most. Keep in mind that there is a very small chance that there will be consequences the ones you fear. Each hazard has factors that reduce the likelihood that it will occur will happen For example, if you are afraid of getting cancer, you probably underestimate the factors that help to be healthy, medical tools that cure many forms of cancer. If you are afraid being attacked, you forget that people on the street can help or that the police will come to help. Give yourself the support factors you need. One woman was afraid she would panic a fit and she won’t know what to do. The doctor prescribed one sedative pill which should be taken when symptoms appear. She never needed that pill. Just knowing having it eased the anxiety. When you’re anxious, you probably magnify the fearful the importance of the event. Remember the anxiety formula again:

UNKNOWN x SITUATION IMPORTANCE = ANXIETY

As you increase the importance, you increase the amount of anxiety. Reduce the importance of the event factor. When you experience a fearful situation, it probably feels like the worst thing in the world. Evaluate how bad your situation is compared to the standard on the badness scale. Using this scale, you will be able to compare the frightening event with others bad events. This will give you perspective. Write down your 10 worst life events. Rate each one on how bad you felt from 0 to 100. Each time, when you fear a bad situation, compare it to a scale of how bad is it really? Use it this scale with the question: What if? Even if what you fear will happen, like this mark on the scale? Evaluate the emotional state by comparing it with the corresponding emotional state evil. After you’ve written down your 10 worst life events, fill in the rest. For example, if someone laughs at me, it can be equated to death and marked as 100. Oh forget to wish someone a happy birthday can be appreciated 5. Remember and the bottom of the scale, as this is where many of the things you fear can be placed. When you learn to ask the third question, you will reduce the importance of the fearful event, then the anxiety will decrease. It is important to correct faulty automatic thoughts.

Learn and practice asking the following questions:
1. What is obvious?
2. How else can you look at it?
3. What if this happens?
Answering these questions will provide data that refutes the worst assumptions.

Brandon taks about how to overcome fear, I recommend watching.